Should i divorce borderline wife

Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. We were very much in love, and I felt so close and connected to her, I knew right away that I wanted to marry her. But shortly after our wedding, things went sour. She started to have really wild mood swings, and she started to get violent—she throws things at me and storms out over the smallest things.

I think she has borderline personality disorder—she fits all the symptoms. I have heard BPD is a life-long illness. Is it in my best interest to divorce her? Sadly, there is no easy answer to this one. Whether or not you choose to divorce your spouse is a big personal decision, and no one can tell you what is right for you. However, here are some things to consider. We have been apart for 2 months now and I am really missing her! I know she has a new boyfriend as she has announced that to my best friend.

What should I do in this situation? Your lucky she only hit you when drunk. Usually it happens for them being drunk on just their negative thoughts and emotions. Take her getting notice from another man, as a blessing. That is an automatic OUT. They are done. Cut that person out of your life and move on.

I could really use some advice. It started out so good. She said I was always fun to be around and I felt the same about her, but I developed performance anxiety due to the way she was treating me and things started going downhill. Even after these issues came along, we both still really enjoyed each others company. It started resolving itself as I kept telling her she had to be nice to me to be attractive and it slowly sank in sort of. She was understanding 4 a while but later that day we ended up arguing about it and she kept yelling at me and for the first time I kicked her out of my house.

She has kicked me out of hers many times. Sorry its so long. Dude, if she treats you so bad that your normal physical functions are no longer functioning… hmmm. If u want to stay, then buy one of those massage devices to finish the job if needed.

They need constant attention and praise and to be pleased, or they will only resent and attack ie mentally torture you more. Even though they hardly give you any of that stuff themselves. Bunch of crap when a man has to jump so many hurdles in a life or death coliseum just to maintain a relationship which people in the past did many times without question. A lot of BPD is enabled immaturity being able to get away with what they do by the elimination of religious impact in society and the new family court protocol.

The left encourages enabled immaturity. Adult-children as I call them. Entitlements and handouts. No reason to grow up and be responsible with left wing policies. This sort of mentality causes people to become BPD. I agree with a lot of what you said here. Women would rather date a deadbeat loser who has an Instagram following than a normal, stable guy who wants a fun, simple life with no drama. Very charming , outgoing, can be extremely generous and caring.

On the flip side very prone to bursts of anger over a towel not being placed correctly. If I bring up examples of his actions that demonstrate commitment. Constant get out of my life then actions that to outsiders are seen as in love. How to deal? Like you guys the charm the niceness keeps you in thinking if only you could behave a certain way to make it like it was.

So they tell you to get out, you get out lol. Just go inside and do your own thing or leave for a bit, go hang out with friends or whatever. Make him beg for mercy. Rick you are correct. My soon to be ex did this and got money from me and then wanted things from the house.

When I found out the truth, that ended instantly. No more money, no nothing. He can get money from the POS he is cheating with. But the thing is this BPD lost the only one who cared and loved him. He has alienated his kids, sister and family. He does not have any true friends.

I really was the only true friend he ever had. He is untreated and 65 years old and his behaviour is the most volatile right now than I have ever seen. I have no further contact. I love the silence. What does he need to make this relationship work? While I do think words are weak at times, you still need to use them when the going gets tough.

Your BF obviously has issues that are much bigger than you and the relationship. Because of this, he gets jealous and insecure and rages. While it bugs me that you stick around with such a low quality man, I will still try to help you.

You need to give him a harder time. You need to tell him to stop being such an insecure little bitch. Just keep getting on his case for these issues, he needs to let go of his issues, you need to try to get them to surface. If you can, try to figure out why he gets jealous. Past relationship? Cheated on multiple times?

Probably something from the past. Then he needs to let it go. Hey, what do you have to say about bpd men? The attempts are frequent. Tired of having to explain and convince him the obvious sometimes.. If you have doubts in your gut, then I suggest that you leave. Leaving may also motivate him to work harder and fixing himself. As somebody who is married to a BPD woman for 9 years, I can tell you from experience that things get worse after marriage.

Also, when you are married, it becomes more difficult to enforce limits especially when there are kids involved. If I knew that my wife had BPD 9 years ago and understood what life would be like, I would not have married her. It hurts me to say that about my wife, but it is the truth. Hey Steve, yes this is true because of commitment. Commitment is a big topic I talk about. Thanks for the comment! We were so perfect, an felt like soul mates an planned a baby but I knew something was not rite!

His daughter whom I met never even mentioned the wife, her mother! He tries to get me back by mentioning suicide, or moving to another state, an really tries to do the reverse psychology! Now, he has made it a lil easy now I see from your article! He has told me, I have abandonment issues, child hood trauma, I need to be chastised, tell me u want me home, you think sombody is calling my phone, ANSWER! I feel he likes the drama! Bein caught is a thrill even in sex acts!

When it comes to the wife filing for divorce, he somewhat fights it! He say its was only for his daughter, she is the only reason! He used sex to get what he wants! The wife is in desperation an refuses to let go and fight but uses divorce to get him to come back, but he has told her its completely over and is deeply in love with me!

He feels in his hart he has done nothin wrong! Wen I give in, things calm down! I demand respect, set boundries, an run a tight ship just like I do with my kids, an I see a lot of kid tendencies in him! My question is will he divorce, stop communication with the other women, is he truly inlove with just me, am I on the rite track is why he fights so hard not to loose me?????

Hearing about BPD must be a struggle for him……. Please help…. Contact me directly and we can set up some coaching. Hello, I have recently found out I have BPD I did all the lies and had sex with women but he knew, after some suicidal thoughts I was admitted and medicated. My finace still wants to marry me, but now I am not sure. I always tell people to look at the individual you and not the diagnosis bpd. So if you really feel that you see yourself long-term with your fiance, then marry him.

I have BPD, I am currently having dialectic therapy, I have to say, I have never ever cheated on my husband of 7 years, yes he puts up with a lot, and he cheated on me, with an emotional affair with some stupid arse skank he met on line, it almost destroyed me, though we are working at our marriage, and he now understands things a lot better, I would try and state that some of us are generally nice loyal people that have been given reasons to be like this, I find it very difficult that everyone seems to think we are all lying cheats!

I hate the word BPD because it is such a general judgment that people throw around, hence why I always teach to focus on the individual and not the disorder :. So I have been married to my wife for 8 years now. We have a 5 year old daughter. My wife just recently got pregnant again. After 4 weeks of being pregnant she cheated on me for the 2nd time that I know of. She shows remorse and after a long conversation she told me the truth of the affair.

She says she loves me and cannot control her impulsiveness. She is currently seeing therapists and starting DBT sessions to take control of the disorder. I live overseas and if we divorce than she will move back to the states half a world away. Any advice or suggestions? What do you guys think? I think all that DBT and therapy is just a cover for her actions.

Cheating is and always will be a choice at the end of the day. Do you both live overseas or are you guys separated by an ocean for a considerable time? Rick, we both live overseas together. The first time she actually loved the guy and this time was just a one night stand type of affair.

I was diagnosed with BPD at 16 years old. For me, it took a big wake up call and a lot of self discipline. I was in a relationship with my ex from the time I was 17 until the time I was I dealt with physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse as well as constant abandonment because his drug use was more important than anything else.

For the first year, I was faithful. I got pregnant with our daughter shortly after I turned My main concern was trying to fix him while maintaining my own mental health so we could be a family. I left him for the first time when my daughter was about 6 months old. This happened a few times over the next few years. This kind if sounds strange, but the more pain I felt, the more drive I had to get better. I stopped cutting.

I stopped self medicating. I was still a train wreck inside, but I was doing a lot better. When I was 24, I left for good. A few months before turning 25, I met my husband. Before meeting him, I got my shit together. I was okay with being single. I was looking at the long term finally instead of short term. Throughout our relationships, I have had some hiccups.

He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I refused to allow some disorder to take him away. So, I learned how to stop the episodes before they even happened. Now on to the cheating. There have been no questionable texts or Facebook messages. Do I have guy friends?? And they are just that. Our son was born on July 31, He was born at 26 weeks gestation and is still in the hospital. He grands me by the hand, forces me to get up and then makes me stand on my own 2 feet.

So, you were definitely right when you said that a weak man will never get through to us. I can honestly say the only issues I have now is trying to make peace with the ugly last I have as well as trying to come to terms with the fact that my husband had other relationships before me.

I know. For some reason, just knowing that he loves someone else before me hurts. But my point is, BPDs can get better, but they have to want to. Thanks for the comment Brittany! Your comment is great. But I do want to point out that I never said you can expect to be cheated on. I only use the word cheating once. In fact, it sounds like to me that your first husband had many deeper problems than you have ever had. I would label him as the disturbed one. I like your article and you seem to be knowledgeable, but there are some inconsistencies in your replies.

Most notably in this one. You did say in a reply this:. I like this reply. Every one grows. Rick I just want to say hi from Nigeria. Even though I do not agree with everything you write, the ones I do agree with have already been of practical value in my life.

Im a very beautiful girl, young and highly educated but all these went out the door when I started dating this man. Ling story short the first day I read your articles about self respect, values and boundaries, things immediately started getting better and not just in my relationship but in my general relations with others.

I plan to buy your blue print book and will post regarding the results. Thank you. I was married for 13 years when my wife got diagnosed with bpd. She had been treated for the previous 3 with post traumatic stress disorder. When I learned about bod everything was explained.

When I hesitate I get accused of having an affair. As if. Thousands of dollars constantly wasted on shit. In the end we sell the family home to pay off debts Never sticking at anything — the courses she started but never Finished.

Yet, the mental health field has compassion for disordered female abusers and treats disordered male abusers as criminals. Benevolent sexism? It does not excuse them. His wife received a sort of BPD diagnosis from a former therapist.

She rejected the diagnosis, fired the therapist and has kept on with her denial, borderline rage and abuse of her husband, her children and his children from a previous marriage. MarriedtoaBPD began an anonymous blog to journal the severe emotional abuse he experiences regularly from his BPD wife.

He has given me permission to share his story in order to help raise awareness for male victims of domestic violence. Married to a Borderline What you are about to read is the first time I have had anyone look at this blog.

Why are you doing this to me? Why are you stealing my life?! My eldest child graduated from high school this past summer. My second child will graduate in early June I am also mad at myself for being deceitful, that, as much as I need to write and share this with other men, I am hiding and keeping secrets from her. During her borderline rages, she accuses me of keeping secrets and being a liar. So having said that, I seal my fate to eventually being outed.

Welcome to my world. This is so frustrating. Her daughter was slamming a door because because they were fighting. Wife said she was going to take the door off its hinges. I asked what I could do to help. I went to the bedroom to work on some stuff and she followed. She asked why I was crying about a little girl being angry. She got angry, came over and started insisting that I argue with her or have what I call a high-conflict engagement.

If you hate yourself, your life, or your partner for it, is it worth it? Though there is no easy way to answer it. At the end of the day, the decision will not be easy, this is someone you vowed to love and be with for all of eternity, to see them wither away right in front of your eyes, and to be there to witness it is not an easy task.

Whatever you choose, it will be for the safety and health of your mind. Even if your spouse has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, do not assume the worst. All is not lost. In this day and age, with proper treatment, and medication a lot can be salvaged. Take Course. Marriage Advice. Marriage Quizzes Marriage Quotes Videos.

Find a Therapist. Search for therapist. All Rights Reserved. By Rachael Pace , Expert Blogger. Share on Facebook. Share on Twitter.